What does this mean to you?
To me it means
to act as if, to imitate something in order to get it.
I hate the word "fake" when somebody says "you are so fake get over it"
when I heard this phrase in the program I thought what an odd thing to say. Why would you fake something until you make it? Some girls took it literally and some girls really did fake it and they really did make it. I guess it's a catchy phrase that some do not understand.
I explain it like this... I was a very disrespectful person when I was in the program. I would not listen to anybody, and I would respond it was not what I said but HOW I said it.
I then started thinking about this phrase one night laying in bed.. I thought okay maybe if I fake being nice to people, or fake the way I speak to others then I will eventually make it or at least get it.
Honestly, you would not believe the things I had to do because of my "bad tact disrespect" sing in front of the cafeteria, write apology letters to myself and others... after I told myself that I would fake it then I really did get it. I then started realizing that it's not what I said but the way I said it. The way my communication was coming across. So I imitated a different way and it stuck with me it really did.
So I started learning to better my communication skills, to better the way I was speaking to others and possibly making them feel belittled. I do not want somebody to feel that way at all.
The reason I am writing this is because some people I was in their with I feel they faked the whole program. I feel in some way they really wanted to be the people they were in their but then again I don't know. I feel very let down by two very good friends I had made in their. I feel manipulated by them. I feel angry at them. Then when I think about it I think "Why feel so angry you know what the game is like" I do know... I will never forget that... I just don't understand at times. The picture above says it best "people change memories don't". That is what makes me so sad... the memories I have with these two girls are forever. I feel in a sense in the program I really knew who they were, who they really wanted to be... but then again I don't know if that's the case. When I went to the program I never changed the person I was I just changed a few negative points about myself. I never was fake, or tried to be somebody I was not. What you saw in the program is what you got. I was funny.. happy, angry, sad, and miserable at times but that is [sometimes] the person that I am; and we ALL have those feelings. I did not change or fake my sobriety, or "pretend" I wanted something that I did not. Did I want to leave my 6 week old baby as a first time mother and my new husband to go dig some shit up again? HELL NO so was I angry? Hell YES I was but who wouldn't be?
As I get older... I realize that the only people I really need in my life is my
I explain it like this... I was a very disrespectful person when I was in the program. I would not listen to anybody, and I would respond it was not what I said but HOW I said it.
I then started thinking about this phrase one night laying in bed.. I thought okay maybe if I fake being nice to people, or fake the way I speak to others then I will eventually make it or at least get it.
Honestly, you would not believe the things I had to do because of my "bad tact disrespect" sing in front of the cafeteria, write apology letters to myself and others... after I told myself that I would fake it then I really did get it. I then started realizing that it's not what I said but the way I said it. The way my communication was coming across. So I imitated a different way and it stuck with me it really did.
Until Next time.....
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