Settled In

I am home finally and all settled in from a crazy place I once called home, and had so many sisters (something I have always wanted). I am enjoying the comfort of my own home, cooking, cleaning; we cleaned a lot in there but this time it was not on my hands and knees picking up hair, spraying Windex on the bathroom appliances to make sure not a smear was on there. My little baby boy was not so little anymore he was 6 months old and weighing about 20 pounds (if he wasn't it was close) those Grandmothers feed him well:)


I could not be more thankful for all those that stepped right in and helped Gary and Sean while I was gone. I felt so helpless, and had very little hope... but I knew deep inside they were well taken care of. I was unsure on how to be a mom... Yes, I was there the first 6 weeks but now he is bigger, sitting up, holding toys, you know all those firsts I missed he was doing. I was overwhelmed but thankful to be home. Yes, there were those thoughts of this is so much, and when can I go back to my sisters, and my family room 4...and on Friday's cooking in the kitchen and serving the staff and residents. No more of those...this time I was serving dinner to my boys, and being with my family for the first time!


I had a counselor in West Central who put her all into everything she did for us. She was always on our case, always telling us when we were messing up, when to get our shit straight, how to open up, be a woman, and face the problems to get well. She was awesome...and the very one that inspired me to be a Substance Abuse counselor. She impacted my life just as most of the staff did because each person in that place had a huge part in all of our journeys to become a better person, wife, girlfriend, friend, daughter, granddaughter, niece and so on. Not all of them were addicts, but some were and they could all relate like they had been there. Were they always on the same page not always but certainly knew when to stop badgering and just be there for us. They broke us down to build us up...was it sometimes very hard? Yes, because the whole staff knew deep down we could all succeed to become wonderful people outside of our drug fogged mind. My counselor knew just the right treatment plans, and she saved the best one for last... the treatment plan on my dad, because she had to break me down just a little before I left to make me strong against him again and not so weak. That was the hardest treatment plan... but it helped me to build that concrete wall so that he could never break thru.


My dad, see he is not a bad person..he's an alcoholic I don't know if you would call him a binge drinker, alcoholic, or what. He is the type that will go 6 months of working to saving his money to 6 months of drunkenness. The first 3 months he will be drunk, and the next 3 months he will be sobering up and once again on the hunt for a job to save up more money. I was always daddy's little girl, but remember as stated in previous blog that I am also the type that cannot stand for somebody to be alone, or even feel alone. It gives me anxiety to think that somebody feels that way. He had this way of manipulating me, blaming me, and laying guilt trips on me. When he is not drinking he's awesome, fun, funny, and a really great guy. He has always had this way of being able to get into my head, feeding me bullshit, and I would be eating it believing him. When I was 14 I went to live with my dad to help him, take care of him.. and from 13-19 I was back and fourth from Ohio to Florida. My mom would come pick me up because my dad would be drunk and I would start school in Florida and then leave again... I remember one family member telling me once that "he cannot handle a teenager" excuse me? Then he should not have had sex with my mother!! DUH... 


In February 2009 I decided to sign up for school online. My husband and I felt it was best for me to stay at home instead of daycare so I did. I started at the University of Phoenix majoring in Psychology and love learning something new everyday about myself, and others. I like the online experience of schooling I do not sit in a class all day long and listen to an instructor. I had A.D.D. I could possibly not sit still for that long. I am still going and have since transferred to Florida Institute of Technology majoring in Applied Psychology concentration in Clinical Psychology... and hope to one day get a second bachelors in Forensic Psychology. My whole goal is to be able to counsel addicts, but I also would love to work in a prison or an environment that I was in (Therapeutic Community). 


Sean (my son) is 3 years old now and a healthy big boy! He brightens my day every day, and knows just how to make me laugh. My mother in law told me that when I was not around she felt that Sean knew his mother was just not around. She said he never smiled, and was a very placid baby... but now mama is home and he is wild, crazy, clever, funny, and awesome to be around. He had the chance to live in the Bahamas while Gary husband was working over there, he loves the beach but sometimes the waves were a bit too high and he would get scared. It was beautiful, peaceful, and meet tons of awesome people...just not a place to live with a kid. 


My husband and I are now going on 5 years of being together, and 4 years of marriage. He is the best, and I am truly thankful for everything he does and is still doing for us each day. I knew the minute I saw Gary when I came back that if I did not take the opportunity and try this that I could possibly let the man of my dreams go... and I could not have that happen. He is just simply amazing and words cannot even describe how in love I am with him.

Until next time... 

A total mess

I have been sitting here figuring out what to even name this blog... Craziness? A total mess? The day my world was literally turned upside down. 

So, I met Gary and we were very much into each other. At first I was skeptical because as I have said before he is older than I, by 16 years so at first it was a little sketchy and was hiding this from my mom. He worked at the family business and we did not know how others would react to this nonsense of us dating or even thinking about seeing each other. At this time I was getting my phone privileges back, so I was sneaking around calling Gary and we would literally talk for an hour or two. That says a lot of Gary because he hates to talk:) Let me first tell you how I finally got this man's attention!
  I took my mom's car (with her permission) and was going to a meeting at the beach. I had come to like this one, except it is hard for me to go to meetings and see the other people that are obviously still high nodding off in the chair while reading the NA book, or another sharing their own story. So, somebody at work had told me Gary was talking about me...and every time he came in the office he always gave me the side glance of "I see you girl" haha! So, I was on my way to a meeting and had my moms phone and she had Gary's number and I remember mom telling me that Gary always accidentally calls the office, or her from him pressing buttons in his pocket. I thought well this is the perfect time... I'll switch it around to say he must have accidentally called my mom's phone. I scroll to his name, while having a major anxiety attack that I am taking this risk of actually being turned down (which we all hate).. and hit the send button I pretty much threw the phone back into my purse but could hear him saying "Hello Kathy, Hello"... 2 minutes later he calls me unbeknownst to myself I answer and he says "I think you just called" and I said "No, it's Abby I did not call the phone was in my purse the whole time that's weird" and he kicked off and from there it went. That is our little love story....
   From there everybody at work found out and my uncle's words to my mom were "If they break up I'll fire Abby before Gary" hell I am his own niece.... but Gary put the buildings up (it was a construction company family owned). Well, that never happened... 
  In October of 2007 I had just had my period 2 weeks prior and my breasts were rather tender when touching or to put on a bra. I immediately thought "Oh my goodness I am pregnant" my mom had asked me to run an errand to my brother's and so I made a little pit stop to the Walgreen's, bought my pregnancy test, ran into the bathroom for it to pop up 2 pink lines in less than 2 minutes. I thought "holy cow-a-bunga" this is really happening. I had not even told Gary at the time that I thought I could be pregnant I just kind of went and did all of this... so, I am elated.. called Gary in the parking lot and said "I am pregnant" his first words were "Um how did that happen" I mean really I don't know you tell me Gar! LOL. 
   I went to my brother and walked in and said "We about to have a lil' babyG" (that was my nickname because I always try to act hood, you know) he was like "WHAAAT" went back to work and told my Aunt first so she could be in there when I told my mom... I just sat the pregnancy test on her desk and I think she cried, or was in complete shock that we did not even know what to do. I left Gary to tell his parents and family... his mother is Christian and would have wanted us to be married before all of this, as my mother too. 
   This is where it gets pretty tense in our relationship... In November 2007, I received a phone call from my cousin who lives in Ohio she said "Abby your name is in the paper and your being indicted on a felony 4 of trafficking drugs" I was actually trying to remember when I had last transported a kilo of cocaine (I know it's not funny but when one thinks of trafficking they think of large amount of the drug). She continues to say that I have to be in court for my arraignment on November 5th.. it is November 3rd I am 2 months pregnant (conceived in September) and about to get married in literally ONE month!!!!


Until next time.... the suspense always kills me:)