Claiming my Power in Recovery

When I was incarcerated we had to do tons of treatment plans, and read different things. The past two days I have been doing nothing but cleaning and going through things. It is always fun to go through old things we have not seen for many years. I read a pamphlet called Claiming my power in Recovery-the first step for woman. I am going to share what I learned from this. I remember reading this and how powerful it was when I did. Below you will find what I wrote:

This pamphlet was a very good read. It states in here that recovering woman encounter the issue of power early into treatment. You have to first think about what is power? Power is the ability to act, to create, to do, to produce, and to affect outcomes. Power also equated with strength, authority, or influence; it can be a source of energy. In this pamphlet it says that people that have been sexual or physically abused feel lots of anger because of the powerlessness they have gone through in the abusive relationships. Some woman entering recovering feel the first step is hardest to admit they are powerless and unmanageable because it makes them feel helpless or it's forcing them to give up the power they have already gained back. You can try rephrasing the first step by saying such things as "because of my chemical use my life is not healthy, happy, and rewarding as it should be". It also states that "my power is based on my ability to admit that my chemical use controls me and on my unwillingness to work toward creating health and joy in my life". Step one does not have to be hard, but it can be very challenging for many woman. By going to treatment helps us stop the process of our chemical use and breaks the power chemicals have on us. Empowering ourselves during recovery is a way to replace bad thoughts or feelings about ourselves with positive attitudes and feelings. You also have to be realistic and know relapse can happen, but if it does we need to be the first to admit and do what we need to do. Do not spend time with the guilt and shame because you relapsed that will just keep the using going. Contact a sponsor  go to a meeting, or return to a treatment facility. Exercise is another good part of recovery; it is not only healthy but can make a woman feel good about themselves. Recovering woman are strong powerful role models for all genders. It helps us ask boldly for what we need, and express ourselves freely. When we become involved in the recovery process we become empowered. There is so much in this world other than alcohol and drugs that if we just stopped we would learn how to live free and sober as woman.

Interesting right? Back in the day men were the powerful ones, and then soon woman became that also. Woman feel the sense to empowered because everything that we really do on a daily basis. But, when the power is taken from us (abusive relationships, work, etc) we feel defeated and who likes to feel that? I remember writing this and remember thinking how powerful that really was.

Here is a poem I wrote back when I was newly sober. This is who I lost my power too

Goodbye
You were the one that made me smile, cry and laugh
when we first met, it was crazy like a dream
I found him, the man of my dreams

Then it all changed,
you introduced me to drugs
it all went from there...
At first it was great, you would get me high,
you would share...
then sharing became a fight...

Our love went down
and I kept thinkin why
The man of my dreams
is slowly drifting away
Every night out looking, mean if you didnt score

My love for you turned to hate, total disgust
I hated when you would come home
Fearing the unknown
There were always questions in my head

I never really stopped loving you
Just stopped showing it
I stopped the romance
and started the fights

Finally I gave up, we werent going anywhere
If the drugs would not have interfered
our love was real...
I wasn't ready but it was right
I had to say goodbye on the fearful night...

I said goodbye
to our love,
to our memories,
to the man of my dreams (I thought)

I think when I wrote that and where I am now. I truly found the man of my dreams married for 4 years and together for 5.. he is amazing, my best friend... he supports and understands.

Thank you for letting me share

Until next time...