Friends

Each holiday passes Thanksgiving and Christmas and on these days and around these holidays... I always think of the girls in West Central. It is sad to know they will not be with their families... but thankful they are getting help and not out on the streets, or wrecking havoc on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love thanksgiving but also love love Christmas. It is my favorite... not because of the presents but because of the cooler weather, being with Family and remembering the true reason for the season.

I think of the addicts that are suffering, the ones in denial, out on the street... or even in a treatment facility that have not yet found the way. I think of the families that will never truly understand their children, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, dad, or mother. Lately, I have been going through some pretty major reality checks with my friends. The ones that want to be secretive, the ones that think "oh its just a D.U.I.", the ones that think they are so invincible and nothing can happen to you. I am still friends with people that use not a lot but some of my friends I still speak with. I remained friends with them because I was hoping to inspire them, and show them this is the best way to go. Has it worked? NO, they all think I am stupid (as I cannot tell when you have that raspy voice your high)... or the ones that call and pretend everything is fine and 2 days later you get a phone call "oh guess who I just saw buying dope" oh really I just talked to them 2 days ago and they said they were "perfect". Yep, it is that cloud... everybody wants to hang around. I think do you not see everybody around you has been to prison because of what they do (and you do too). I know many of them come to me for help because I will never ever forget where I came from... I will never forget my story of loosing everything to gain it back... to loose it again after giving birth. It is not that I lost it again after having my son because I was currently using... I went away because of my previous actions and not thinking before I did. Not thinking that a year and half after doing the drug deal I would be pregnant and married... who would have thought that. I thought I would feel stuck forever as a drug addict and I never saw past that. Sometimes my friends throw it in my face "well your just clean because you left this town" or "your just spoiled" crazy right? I mean it's whatever... doesn't bother me. They will see once they TRULY get sober how much I was really there for them, and really tried to help them. I get frustrated but I never feel betrayed by their comments because I have been where they still are and I will always remember where I was. If I forget... then I could fall off and I do not want that. I have tried to dwindle them away slowly and it has worked...

I am also the type of friend that will enable the situation. I know I know it's terrible I do that. If one friend calls me and says "yeah I just did a pill" I'll be like awesome rock on... and I think I did it because I know how hard it is to convince somebody they are an addict, and need help so I just let it roll. I have realized and will fix this. It is terrible I do that. I know how hard it is to fix an addict, and get that addict to admit... but when they come to me and say "I feel like I need help it is getting a little out of control" then I will fight till' the very end for that person. I got a phone call on 9-29-2011 from my Aunt telling me that my cousin just overdosed and she was being pumped, and had been given a shot of Narc-on (adrenaline) to come out of it... they had to use the paddles all the way to the ER and give her another shot of Narc-on before she came out of it. I did not enable my cousin at all... but I knew sometimes when she relapsed and would scold her and go on-sometimes I would tell my Aunt but nothing was ever done so I would leave it alone. She lives in Ohio, and I live in Florida so it was a little hard to physically be there. After getting that phone call... I will never ever again enable and say "rock on" to somebody that tells me that. From now on I am going to say "oh wow your too cool for school" haha... at least I have realized this about myself. I have been doing more self-discovery since writing this blog and find it helpful and therapeutic.

Happy Thanksgiving<3 And remember, to be thankful we are alive:)

11-27-2008 HAPPY THANKSGIVING
Haven't wrote for a while it's thanksgiving my baby boys first one! He is going to his Gma & Gpa's for Turkey day. We have been watching the Macy's day parade in here... we are all trying to have a really good day. Emotions are running high today not being with our families. It really does suck a lot. Most of these girls in here should be thankful they are even alive. Gosh, my hands are so dry. (Can we say major ADD... haha talking about thanksgiving to my hands are dry-really haha)

Ms. Mullins is pissing me off! 32 days and I can't wait!! Well, I am going to go. We are about to watch a movie. Don't know what yet...but it's going to be a good day. After Kennedy leaves I got 4 weeks left! Write later.. <3ya Abbs xoxo ONE DAY AT A TIME!

11-27-2008 9pm
  What a good day-as good as it can be with no family. We ate so much today. My throat and neck hurts, I hope I am not getting sick. A lot of people were on edge today but you can expect that. The staff did everything they could to take our minds off of this. Gosh almost 30 days and I am gone! Can't wait!! Got my green shirt officially in 3rd phase on 11-26-2008:) YAYYY! (3rd phase means I am going HOME)

Well, got to go!
Love ya,
Abbys
xoxo
One day at a time!! GARY ABBY SEAN = MY life!

****This was a Thanksgiving post while locked up****