I did want to be on drugs... I wanted to manipulate, be dishonest, lie, cheat, and steal to get exactly what I wanted because I wanted to be on drugs. I wanted to try them... and I wanted to live from home to home... I wanted to do this. What I did not want to do... was become addicted, and all those things that come with addiction. I never wanted to hurt my mom, grandparents, & brother. I did not want to be a liar, or dishonest, or manipulate those close to me but when I took my first hit that is exactly what it became.
Because honestly...
The minute I snorted my first pill I was thinking of a way to get some tomorrow, and the next day and it didn't stop for years. Everyday waking up thinking, manipulating, and lying to get exactly what I wanted.
And, to be honest.. I was not really that amazing at it but I did usually get what I wanted.
It really sucks to watch somebody go down this road and all the questions that rise from knowing or yourself being addicted. I just wanted my pain to go away... the pain my father caused, my parents divorce, moving away from my hometown in 1996, being abused by my x-boyfriend.. never feeling good enough for anything or anybody. And, when I snorted that first pill... it did go away I felt normal. But, what is normal?
I do not regret the life I lived, or situations I encountered, or anything I did because at that time in my life it was what I wanted. I do not regret that life because I am going to benefit by becoming a Substance Abuse Counselor and hopefully change other people's lives. I am very confident of that.. I am very confident that my name and face will be on the news fighting for addicts everywhere. And, I am very confident I will one day stand in front of Congress fighting for this.
I will succeed because I am making the darkness of my life be something to fight for.
It is possible for your loved one to get help... it is possible for you(the addict) to get help and get out while you can. The only place those drugs will lead you is to dark places, prison, or death... I would rather be sober then 6 ft under.
I am
Until Next Time....
<3
Thank you so much. I felt like I was reading my own story. I too became addicted to pills and eventually everything else. I am celebrating 2 yrs clean next month. We can make a difference. I started a page called Just for Today. It is very important for me to turn my pain into something positive by helping other addicts. Please feel free to use my page to promote your blog!
ReplyDeleteAwesome!!! I love your page I visit frequently. Congrats on 2 years, it's such an amazing accomplishment. You & I together CAN make a difference!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the anniversary of such a BIG deal! Loved reading this... you are so strong! Thank you for being so candid. <3
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