About Me

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I am going to be the one that will change many lives, will make a difference, and will inspire others like my life was inspired by others♥ I want to change the way people cannot get help for drug/alcohol addiction the way we should be able to get help, I want to change the way addicts think, get into the mind of an addict, and HELP them Married, and a mommy to 1.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

I am a people pleaser that worries

So, when I say "I am a people pleaser" in my head I thought it meant not being able to say no (which that is the case) but the other day I was reading an article about people pleasing and it said that people pleaser tend to be selfish, they think about everyone and themselves last (I do not think that is selfish), people pleaser have no confidence, saying yes can be a habit almost addictive like, we worry about what others will say when we say no... this was kind of eye-opening to me. I feel I am a pretty confident person. I do not feel I am selfish. Saying yes I guess is habit almost addictive to me.
The other day my aunt calls (she has 3 kids)
Aunt: Can you watch the kids for me tonight while I work and can they stay the night?
Me: Umm... well, ummm... yeah I can watch them.. I guess they can stay the night.
The problem with that is I have 1 child.. she has 3.. we have a small house (that we are currently getting rid of) with tiny living room space. We have a long couch and a small couch... barely room for anybody to sit in. Our little house makes the noise overbearing; which also makes my ADD & anxiety through the roof. I did it anyways... because I did not want to upset her. That is how I see people pleasing.. I want to please everybody around me so that I do not upset anybody. 
I never feel that I am not being true to myself because I never change who I am in the moment of saying yes. Maybe we all have different definitions for things even if a damn psychologist did write the article (HA). 
One said be careful you are not getting manipulated. Ahh.. manipulation as a drug addict I think we know when that is happening as we are the master of manipulation. I do not think I have anything to worry about somebody manipulating me. When we are up at my mother-in-laws she plans everything for us when we come up... when really we just want to hang out and relax and stay at the house. It's peaceful and quiet there... we love it. I have a hard time saying "No I do not want to go to the petting zoo"... but when I sit here and think about it will that really hurt her feelings.. or is it hurting me that I said no? I am also the type of person I will tell somebody exactly how I feel then end it with "I am sorry I did not mean it like that what I really meant it was..."
I hate knowing that I would ever upset anybody. That is the big thing in my people pleasing. After really reading all of these articles... maybe my people pleasing started when we found out my dad was no longer a functioning alcoholic and I wanted love and attention from a male figure. Maybe, it came from... hell who knows! 

As I sit here and write this I am thinking am I making excuses? I do not feel that I am an extreme people pleaser that I please others because I have low self-esteem (I have truly worked and conquered that when I was in the program).. I really feel that I please people because I hate to know that somebody could be upset with me saying no to them.. Like my aunt.. she would have had to scramble to find somebody else to watch the kids (she was already scrambling as it was) is that an excuse?
I do not know... but I do know that I just need to learn to say "NO I am sorry I do not want to go to the damn petting zoo I came to relax not be on the go" (I know I should not say it like that)... sometimes I just need to mentally prepare myself for things. I have noticed though since leaving the program (that is where my counselor told me I was a people pleaser I did not even know that word existed) that several times I have said no to people... and it did not bother me.

This is what I want to be in 1 year...
Why of course it is OKAY!! That means I worked on something that bothers me a ton.

And I want to do this too...
That is besides my husband and my child...

So to the next part of my blog... Worrying

Do I worry or do I obsesses over things?
Both. (ekk hate admitting that LOL)
We are getting ready to move. As I said earlier.. we have tight living quarters-my mother in law, father in law, hub's best friend (his kid) will be helping + me and plus 1 4 year old.
My mother in law wants to come down to help with my son (which I think is awesome) she will cook, give my son a bath, and I can be of services to unpacking boxes. I was not with my husband when he bought this house-I know this is my house but I never felt it was my house. I never decorated it. So this is going to be our house.. I have so many ideas for our new home I am ready to move right this second to do it that is how excited I am. I am just afraid that ADD & Anxiety will be running on overload that day and sometimes my mom in law can be opinionated and I have a hard time with that. I am worried that when I put something where I want she will put her 2 cents in that I do not need because I want it there. Okay, maybe this is my people pleaser that worries and obsesses. See, we all have problems ha.. nobody is perfect. So I sit down with my husband kindly telling him how I feel and what do I do almost mentally preparing myself for this moment. When my ADD & anxiety are in full gear I tend to be frustrated and can sound rude when I speak. I don't mean it.. my husband understands my mother in law I don't know if she fully truly understands me. He also understands his mom... so he tells me "Why are you worrying about something that has not even happened?"


Yes!! And just like that... it went away. I know I was mentally preparing myself for the moment because I am like that too... but, when he said that I sounded like this probably

but after he said that it was like this


I cannot worry about it. I cannot obsess over something that is not even there.
I have to focus on now.


Until Next Time...
xo 

1 comment:

  1. I am not a people pleaser, so I am trying to wrap my head around all of this (everyone can kiss my ass lol-JUST KIDDING). I can, however, empathize with you, because being a people pleaser must be hard and exhausting!!! I don't mean that sarcastically at all. I just know that I dont feel like I can please much of anyone around me and I can't imagine feeling like I should or had to. (((HUGS))) Abby. Sorry that I'm not much help with this. :(

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