Pain & Joy

The other day on my page I posted this photo

Craughing (GO LIKE HER she has an amazing story) posted "I am holding you to this" my reply was "Go ahead" it got me thinking. I share all of my painful stories and hardly the joy that came from the pain I felt my whole life. The pain was terrible but what I feel now, what I have now was so worth the pain I felt then.

Pain: Alcoholic father 

Joy: I have a wall he will never be able to break down. I have my guard that is 100% built for my protection. I have a step father that has done more for me in 7 years than my father has ever done. I can teach others that we do not have to be their caretakers, I can share my story of taking care of my father and hope they will listen. That is my joy from having an alcoholic father. 

Pain: Moving away from my hometown.

Joy: When we first moved I could not believe we would ever leave that town. Now, I know I can go back to visit... it's filled with heroin junkies so I am sure I would not want to raise my kid there anyways. I have learned that goodbye's are never easy... but they are really only "see you later" because sometime in my life again here on earth or in heaven I will see them again.

Pain: Abusive Boyfriend.

Joy: I am stronger. I am tough as nails. I will not back down. I will never be disrespected again. I know what to look for (even though I found my forever). I will always have my guard up with any man. That does not mean I did not find love again because I did it just means it took me a little big to get close to him to know he would never lay a finger on me. 

Pain: Sexually abused.

Joy: I know how can you find joy out of this. I can spot a creeper when I see him and I know to run as fast and as far as I can from that type of human being.

Pain: The hurtful things I have done and said.

Joy: I have had to accept what I have done and said. I have had to move on. If those I hurt did not accept my apology that is their fault because I am a brand new person.

Even though these are little joys that I find to the pain that I endured (this is only a little bit) it still satisfies me to know that I can be happy again. I can feel joy after the pain. I am okay with myself today. In recovery we always said "The little things lead to big things" some of the pain I went through was big, and the outcome of the joy was small... but I can still feel the joy after the storm. In each of our own way we will find joy to the pain... it maybe stupid to one or funny to another but it is not about them it is about US.

:)