It's very true I did make it without you. And actually once I cut all lines of communication everything in my life was okay. It's sad but it's like I do not feel like I have something missing from me. Before when I was living with you and you would get drunk and mom would drive from Florida to Ohio to pick me up and cut all lines of communication with us.. I was always so devastated that I could not talk to you. I really did feel like a piece of me was missing. Now, as sad as this seems I do not even feel that. In all honesty, when I break it all down you really just were a sperm donor to me. It's sad to say that because when your not drunk your an amazing father. You have the best personality.. always making somebody laugh. Your always smiling. When we were younger you always did so much fun stuff with us. Coached J's baseball teams & football teams. Letting me help plant flowers... Remember that time I ate the fertilizer? You were so mad at me I thought it was hysterical. It's sad now that I did make my own life.. I found a husband that is nothing like you. Now, your drunk again.. with a wife... and a baby on the way. My heart is breaking so bad for the baby. Your wife.. eh well I feel bad for her because she is just so stupid. It makes me so angry when I think that she wanted a baby so bad that she decided to have one with a drunk. Oh brother.. now her child is going to have the same life J and I did. I just pray that somewhere in her brain she is thinking about leaving you. She will at least save anything the child has.
The reason I choose Grace for the middle name of the baby was because I felt she was going to need a ton of Grace being born. The meaning of Grace is: Mercy, Kindness, Grace of God, God's Favor, and Thanks. I hope her kindness is to walk away when she can.. I hope that God's favor for her is for her to have a much better life than I did. I hope she does not have any mercy on you like I did. When I picked the name I just thought it would suite her so well. Oh it is breaking my heart already. Here you are... wasted, your wife is 7 1/2 months pregnant and going to deliver. Hell, she could deliver any minute and your wasted.
I truly hope she is protected. Protected from the wrath J and I had to endure. Protected from an alcoholic that will not always be there 110%. I just know she is going to be lovely and amazing in every way. It's just sad she has to be born...
So, your boss shows up at your mother's house. They gave you a car I knew from the get go that was the stupidiest thing they could have ever done... but they don't know you or what your capable of. They just thought you were a good nurse (which you are) and they were giving you a job. This lady was sure in for a rude awakening when she came to your mom's house. It's like your 12 and you and your friend did something stupid so their mom is coming to tell your mom. She finds out.. your married, you have a child on the way, your a drunk, you have 2 other kids in S. Florida... your divorced... haha! I love how you put out this perception of yourself that is just so fake. So fake that your boss was like "whoa dude who is this guy". You never truly know who somebody really is... She never knew you were married, had a child on the way, 2 other kids, married & divorced. Thankfully she got the car back in one piece... she said she talked to you. HAHA.. how embarrassing for you. Your going to come out of your binge and say "Ashley who stole my car? We need to call the cops somebody stole my car?" ahaha.. oh my gosh to be a fly on the wall. Oh the joys of putting up with a drunk.. the joys of trying to be somebody your not.
Ha.. this is what Ashley thought she could do. Wait, first A did not even know you were a drunk. So you bring her to Florida on this totally romantic trip not divulging anything about yourself. Buy her wine, and you get beer and liquor. The next I get a phone call from her "What is wrong with your dad?" my response "What do you mean?" She explains he is laying in bed still drinking, actually wasted and won't get up and they were suppose to go to the beach that day. That was the only time I felt bad for her. My response "He is a drunk A"... her response "Are you serious?" Like yeah leave now... I'll take you to the airport get the heck out of dodge. It was like she was playing dodge ball and was trying not to get hit by the balls. Those balls slapped you right in the face.. and they continue to do so. I tried to tell her numerous times that nobody can save him. If I his daughter could not save him you will not either. You might as well leave now. That is what makes me wonder about what her ulterior motives are if they are there. Did my dad tell you he has money or something? Because he does not. Actually A, one time he cashed in my brother life insurance to get drunk. He has NOTHING and he never will if he doesn't get help. The problem is he does not want help. He doesn't even want the baby but you did so he gave it too you. I guarantee you that is why he moved to Marysville to save himself embarrassment of letting others know a 55 year old man just had a baby with a 23 year old young woman. Oh it just makes me want to puke. My aunt and I tried for years to save him... it was always "Operation: Save a Drunk that doesn't want help".. we tried he did not want it.. we left it alone. And, let me tell you girl he is NOT going to change for you or that baby. I just feel bad because your partially stupid. I am angry at you for wanting to bring a precious innocent child into this world with him. Do not worry though I started saying prayers when I first heard the news.
And, it's like each time I hear a new story about what dumb thing you have done I am always all like
And, I don't know why. It just amazes me each time.
I will pray for my baby sister though each day. I will pray that A get's as far away as she can.
I hope my baby sister does not make the same mistakes I did in trying to save you. Trying to take care of you. Trying to protect you.
I am just my mom left you when she did<3 I am so very thankful for that. I am thankful that I have the most amazing step-dad, father in law, and dad #2 (my best friends dad in Ohio) to show me how a real man should be. To show me how a father should be. To show me what kind of husband I want because my husband measures up to those 3 men. They always say girls tend to pick guys like their dads.. and men pick guys like their moms... well I got lucky and picked an amazing man. And, gained a father in law in the process. But, my step-dad & dad#2 showed me what kind of man to look for. I thank you for that.
Or, choose your actions wisely...
The pain you put me through has made me trust everything. Has made me WHO I AM today... but also my own pain I put myself through has made me who I am today. I would never want to give you any sort of praise.
Until Next Time...
xoxoooxo
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