Another Journal Entry from West Central

Today I will add 2 Journal entries... Remember those jobs I was telling you about? I eventually became Head Of House where I had to report to staff, and ultimately face the consequences of the other girls also. It taught me leadership, and basically showed me that I could do it. They would put us in a job where we felt most awkward so help us grow in that area. I eventually made really great friends that I still keep in contact with... except those that have fallen off the wagon. Some of the girls you knew were just not going to walk away with anything, and some you knew the pure determination to get where they know they needed to be. Many of these girls in here had a very rough life, worse than mine... but we were all connected because we are all addicts. 


In the previous blog I was going off about some girl named Ms. Ward... The story to this is that  we were allowed to leave on furloughs and could have an outside person pick us up. She was going on a dental furlough supposedly.. little did she know before you leave on a furlough they listen to your phone calls. It was found out that she was really meeting up with her boyfriend that was also a co-defendant (big no no). Her one act cost the whole girls side to loose all of our privileges. That means... no visits, no phone calls, and no vending machines (except for hygiene). The only thing any of us ever looked forward to was our phone calls at night, our mail, our visits, and of course our nightly snack. 


The whole program was ran with structure, and with the help of an amazing staff. Our schedule was as follows:
5:30 A.M. - Wake up
5:45AM-6:15am Clean
At 6:15 we would line up for breakfast
At about 6:45am we would come back for showers
At 7:30AM our morning meeting
8AM- Classes (Not all were in classes orientees were in a few but mostly people in Phase 2 had classes which were anger management, criminal thinking, HIV/AIDS class, and so on)
11:45AM- line up for lunch
12:30 back for recreation (we could outside weather and behavior permitted, or hang out inside.. on the weekend we were allowed to nap)
1:45 some went to more classes, the rest just hung out...
4:45 line up for dinner
5:30 another recreation
6pm the orientee's meet with their big sister to learn rules, philosophy, etc.
8pm Evening meeting
9pm vending
10pm lights out 


We were not allowed to be "comfy" we had our shoes on ALL day long... most were bored all day. All of this was teaching us to not ever get comfortable, and when bored you'll know how to manage your time. When people in Phase 2 were done with their 8 week classes the next 8 weeks you kind of just sit there and make yourself useful. Also, everything that we needed, or wanted had to go up with a request form and their was a process for everything. They would take forever to get it back to us but that is what TTP (Trusting the process) was for. We had to TRUST they received our request and would give it back to us. They always did... the trusting thing was hard for so many woman because on the outs we do not trust, so it taught us to trust. 


10-19-2008
I'm on silence again today. It's really not as bad as the first time. My dad, Grandma, and Natalie came to visit. I miss them so much. Tonight I am calling my mom-I miss them a lot too. I got to work on my treatment plan, it is having to do with my father... this should be fun. I have to write a book about him. Poor Ms. Nixon is suppose to go home tomorrow, she is leaving West Central but going to jail. I can't believe it-ugh that would be so horrible. I feel so bad for her. Anyways, nothing really new. Awaiting to hear what my conduct report says. Gary and Sean are coming up November 2 too see me. I am so excited my mom is coming with them. I'm going to work on some treatment work-get on computer then do my treatment plan. Try to write tonight! 


*To tell you what a conduct report was... while being incarcerated nothing is ever a secret what you have. We can have a random locker search at any time... so they found an extra thing of lotion or something that I was not suppose to have. It was a cardinal rule to not have anything extra, therefore I got charged with having cardinal contraband and was awaiting my trail...in their it kind of feels like you NEVER know what is going to happen. They look at this as out on the streets we could have a pill in our pocket and not know, breaking the cardinal rule of sobriety. And, Silence meant I could not talk basically for 12 hours and observe myself.


10-24-2008
Another day down.. another dolla short :) I say that because we do not make money up in this piece! I am sooo happy. October is almost over; Gary, Sean, and mom will be here so very soon. I can't wait! Lights are on-be back:)I opened up last night about my issues with my dad and my ex-boyfriend and the abusive person he was. I feel lighter, and so much better. I never knew how much it affected me about my ex) my father has affected me since I was just little so I know what that feels like. People know what he (ex) did too me but I do not think I ever went into detail about MY feelings. It just felt very good. I am the type of person where I try to act stronger than what I really am. It worked for many years about dealing with others problems rather than my own.. that for once while in this place I HAVE to focus on myself and it really does feel amazing. Ms. Gresh opened up about some problems. Before I could not get it out of my head how somebody could just throw you across the bathroom floor and try flushing your glasses in the toilet... now I feel a little lighter:) Anyways, we encountered Ms. Mustard yesterday so glad hope it worked. She needs to just get real with us, today are encounters also. My hands are so dry! Okay, time to go! Peace out! Gary & Sean=My everything! One day at a time...


Encounters= when all the girls sit in a circle and one girl sits in the "hot seat" and we tell her exactly how we feel... put them to their lowest, and then at the end do a little pick me up about their positives. It was so crazy kick their face in the dirt, and don't let them up... and then after 45 minutes of that... we get to really tell you how much we love you! It did work.. but seems awkward right?


The whole program was awkward and if not experienced you would not even understand this crazy lingo I am talking about. If you Google Therapeutic Community it will go into some detail.. here is a link I found http://www.psychotherapy.net/video/george-deleon-therapeutic-community


Okay, time to go for now... until next time!!! Remember, it is not about how strong we really are, and who can handle the most.. it is about in every trial thrown our way to discover, grow, learn, laugh and to love:)