Back to Florida

So, here I am 7 days later on my way home from Ohio. It was really weird to go outside the first time because everything was so bright, and much more clear. The grass was almost greener, the sky a little bluer, and the sun was shining so bright. I remember saying that too... it was a whole different atmosphere. I stayed at Beth's house for a couple days and then my mom and Grandparents came up for a funeral. 


Finally arriving home my step father sat down and had a long talk with me. This was the first time we had actually spoken and been around each other. I knew the minute that he said he would help me with rehab that he was much different than my father. He explained to me that I would have rules, listen to whatever my mom had to say to me, and do as I was told. I did do as I was told... my mom (Bless her) had did the "I'm going to show her some tough love and not speak to her" which was just what I needed apparently she did do the right thing. See, after my parents divorced my father was feeding me with all this bullshit about my mother and I couldn't even stand the thought of her. Sad right? I would give anything now to have those memories back with my mother. 


So, my mother and I are trying to build back our relationship... this one time she came and picked me up at my ex-boyfriends house I had just taken 2 Dilaudid pills and we were off to Cleveland... not before having her pull over numerous times so that I could puke. She knew something was wrong, and I think she said something to me but I don't really remember. When I was 13 I ran away... I was grounded and left her a note on her bed while she was at the mall and took off. I'll never forget that night. 


So, anyways I am home now in Florida.. still May 2006 and the next day I am to start work at my Grandparents business. I have always loved going in their, and everybody knew about the problems I was going through so it is not like I had to sit and actually explain all of my problems about where I had been. Some of them asked, some did not...but I am sure it was the talk around about "what was she really using" I know at one point it was Heroin and I have never touched that. So, I am working 8 hours a day... 40 days a week and giving my paychecks to my mother; basically I was on house arrest but needed it. I was not allowed to call anybody on the phone, go on the computer (except at work), and was limited to the who I could hang around with. I started hanging out with my Aunt Lisa and the kids (Kylie, Kenton, and Kolton) a lot and going over to her house while my Uncle was out. We had fun... 


After about 6 months my mother and step-dad put me on a budget of $50 a week and had to buy my cigarettes, and whatever else I needed with that money. I was saving up to buy my car which I eventually did get. I would go to meetings but am the type that I am going to do this on my own, which I might also add not many can. I am not bolstering about this but I did not feel that going to meetings was going to help in my recovery. Remember, every bodies recovery is different and not one person is the same at all. So, just because I did not want to attend does not mean that it will not work for another. 


I ended up meeting a really amazing man during my journey of sobriety in September of 2006. He was older, handsome, head on straight, had structure everything that I really needed at that time (and still do). I have known Gary since well let's just say I have been head over heels for Gary for many many many years. He took me to dinner on our first date Steak and Al and it was awesome. From there it was all over and our future was starting.The first thing I had to do though was get this woman that he dated for 7 years out of the picture; they did have two dogs together but she left them and they were mine now. They say do not date until you have had 1 year sobriety, but he came along and if I did not grab him up when I had the chance I did not think I would ever get this man. I am a determined woman and will get what I want:) 


So, our first year was really rocky... I was just discovering who I was again, and he already knew himself. So, in this point in my life I am tense, uneasy about life, and discovering myself...trying to feel things that I have never felt. The one negative thing was I never got right into counseling to really work out the issues from the pain listed in my previous blog (self-esteem issues, father issues, relationship with my mom) of course everything worked out...Until later who knew that right around the corner I would eventually be indicted on a drug charge and HAVE to do this all over again. 


Until next time...